When heroes fall..................

I don't even know how to start this..........

I have an Uncle, he was my favorite uncle. I don't know if you're supposed to have a favorite..but I did. His name is Randy, and ever since I can remember...I wanted to be just like him. He was so cool, he had a Corvette, lived on a lake in a giant house, had a boat and really cool Saint Bernards. He had a wife, she was pretty, nice, always smiling and laughing. She was the perfect hostess, and a wonderful Aunt. He worked for Ford and was a hard worker. I can remember him having me stay with them for a few weeks in the summer when I was younger, he paid me like a $150 to help him do yard work, and he'd take me for boat rides and cruisin in the Vette. Then I got older, got my own "life". They had kids, a daughter and a son. The daughter is sweet and beautiful, and she is very smart, she's going to law school. Their son, is handsome, nice, and like his father was...a hard worker. I have always tried to be like him..my uncle. I got a good job, a wonderful wife, and I always wanted to succeed like had. Hell, my grandma even calls me by his name on occassion by mistake.

My uncle is getting divorced......he has been living at my grandmother's house while she was away in Florida for the winter. My aunt has closed their bank accounts and taken all the money, leaving him with no money. She is after alimony..and child support, she has the house...the kids. He has nothing, just his truck and clothes.

Today I went to visit my grandmother..she's back from Florida, and she has a new beau ;)She seemed, well, distracted. But nonetheless, she was hospitable and sweet like she always is. Sometime later my mom shows up, after a little while I walk into the room where my mother and grandmother (with her "boyfriend") are drinking coffee and talking. And from left field my mother blurts out, "well I can't take it any more, I have to tell you now" And she then proceeds to tell us that the one guy I always aspired to be like.......is addicted to crack cocaine. Not just him, but my other uncle as well. My one heroe, my role model, is spiraling down the drain.....a god damn crack addict. I am so sick right now it can't even type coherently. I realized tonight that I had never told him how I felt about him....about how much I admired him. I guess I missed that opportunity, I can never do it now. And as hurt and betrayed as I feel now, I can't even begin to imagine how my cousins feel. I also feel bad because I had so much hatred towards my Aunt for "stealing all the money" when I now know that she did it to keep him from spending it on cocaine.

I better stop now, I am getting sick.

Now I know why people say drugs hurt more than the person using them.